When I was a kid, I wanted to be a pilot. some years later, a doctor. Then I wanted to be a writer. I even fooled a few friends by saying my book had 5000 copies. I convinced some of them. We were all kids, after all.
Our dreams changed over time and they still do.
When I first started working, I was in charge of foreign trade. I always thought it would go that way, but it only lasted a total of 2 years. Then I started working as a civil servant at the university. Until I started university, I had no idea about continuing my education, I had no idea about master’s or doctorate degrees. Life drags you from place to place even if you don’t want it.
I used to want to be an academician and I took many exams. I don’t even follow academic entrance exams anymore. Maybe my mind will change in the future. If it is going to happen, I want it to happen abroad. If I become an academician one day, I want to have smart students, people who love writing, reading and producing, and even if I don’t want it, there will be some idiots inside, those who accept everything without questioning, blindly follow others, those who have no stance and only have a price… Whether we want it or not, that’s how life is, isn’t it…
I’m dealing with health problems these days. I’m only postponing some of my pains temporarily. I know I have to face it. It’s not because I smell, I just don’t want to deal with it. Anyway, one day, those knees won’t let me even if I don’t want them to, those back pains will be unbearable. This is how it is, our health problems always take a back seat until they become unbearable. For now, I am standing and I can manage.
I still have dreams for the future. I don’t know how much time I have but as far as it goes, as long as it is.
I think being stable in a job is a matter of talent. Having worked in the private sector for about 2 years during the 2008 crisis, then having been working at a university for 18 years. Having been in publishing for 8 years. Changing master’s degrees twice, being expelled from a doctorate and starting a doctorate again years later. When I think about all this, I realize that I still have dreams. It’s just that, at times, I don’t think I’m very lucky.
I am going to complete my doctorate in a few years. And in a few years, I willbe in other cities, in other countries.
I believe in that I am going to be a respected publisher. Publishing very respected journals, books, organizing qualified congresses. That’s why I want to end my current job when the conditions are ripe. Yes, I receive my salary, but the jobs I am doing now are jobs that someone at a middle school level who does not require qualifications can do. That’s why I feel pain. And unfortunately, my conditions are not suitable for deciding on innovations right now.
A person should do the job they enjoy. Their mind should not be in their wallet, they should put their wallet in their mind so that even if they don’t want it, that wallet should fill up on its own.
The truth is that it is never certain what we will open our eyes to in the morning of the night, it is not even clear whether we will open our eyes or not. That’s why nothing goes as it always has. Some of our pains are billed as mistakes within us as experiences. Some pains welcome us as new doors, new opportunities.
Will our talents make our dreams real or will our dreams discover our talents? I would like to be able to go from the future to the past but in vain….
